Random Ramblings from a Manic Mommy

I’m NOT perfect and THAT’S Okay!

First of all I lets start with I love my kids more than life itsself they are the reason I keep going (them and my husband) but since I had my youngest I’ve been an emotional roller coaster and I HATE it there are periods I feel amazing I feel happy, I feel beautiful, I feel like everything is amazing I feel on top of the world then, then it turns into a period like I’ve been having the past few days , the reason I haven’t wrote in a few days, where I feel useless, worn out, depressed, like everything is falling apart I get extremely distant quit talking to people shutting myself out from the world and I honestly try stopping it from happening and try keeping myself from shutting people out but its inevitable I do it even if I try not too… I’m far from perfect and my kids always come first so I try to pick myself up and push through it I try and Do what I can even though all the motivation and drive feels like its been sucked out of me. Honestly this is no way to live and I need to take charge and change it I know I need to push past my anxiety of talking on the phones and call my Doctor I am able to do it if its for my children I should be able to do it for myself too! I NEED to do it not only for the sake of myself but for my family too! There is a history of bipolar in my family and I’m thinking that might be part of my problem …. living with mental illness like anxiety has already been rough and its time for me to get the actual help I need instead of trying to just “cope” with it like I’ve been able to until I had my youngest I dont know what Triggered or whats changed dont know if the near death experience or losing so much blood affected me some way but I know since I had my youngest everything has been harder on me from the nightly anxiety attacks to the mood swings to the depression to the nightmares but I know its time for this mama to get help! Living with a mental illness no matter what it is, is extremely rough…. Dont be like me and think you can handle it on your own do’nt make youself struggle ask for help.

Talk to your doctor, call a suicide hot line, talk to a friend or even message me! (I wish I had more friends I can actually talk to probably wouldn’t be rambling on , on here if I did ) Don’t make yourself struggle! Get real help, learn real coping methods, and if those methods don’t work find medication that works for you the point is get help for YOU!

Now hopefully when I talk to Doctors we can find some breastfeeding safe medication! Cause I don’t think personally I could not give up breastfeeding! But that’s just me!

ps sorry if there are a bunch of errors I’ll fix them when I’m not half asleep, am on the computer and its not 3 am

Rambling Manic Mommy of 4, Crystal